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One of my proudest professional accomplishments is a weird one: I convinced a handful of colleagues to just give up.
We were in a brainstorming session trying to solve a problem that had been giving us trouble for some time. We must have run through a half-dozen solutions, each more convoluted than the last, essentially trying to figure out how to fit a square peg into a round hole.
The real problem, we finally realized, wasn’t the one we were trying to solve. It was that we were so focused on finding a solution that we never stopped to question whether we should even be doing the thing causing us problems in the first place. The solution we were too tunnel-visioned to see turned out to be the simplest: Just stop doing that thing. Duh.
Learning to fail the right way is something we’ve covered often in Smarter Living before. But reaching for the insight to see beyond the problem at hand is a different way of looking at problem solving. Rather than fighting tooth and nail to find the “correct” solution to the problem in front of you, sometimes it’s worth the risk of looking foolish to ask: Why are we even trying to solve this problem, anyway?
Stepping outside of one’s thought processes is what researchers call metacognition, or the conscious thinking about thinking. To oversimplify, we could call this a trait of self-awareness.
The problem is that humans are pretty bad at being self-aware and thinking about the thought processes behind our decisions. One study from 2014 found that while some 95 percent of people think they’re self-aware, “self-awareness is a truly rare quality: We estimate that only 10 percent to 15 percent of the people we studied actually fit the criteria.”
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Compounding the problem is that we sometimes force ourselves to stick with failing endeavors — even if we’re fully aware they’re failing — because we’ve already invested so much time in them. In one study that examined this phenomenon (known as the sunk cost fallacy), researchers argued that “this paradoxical state of affairs is due to humans’ overgeneralization of the ‘Don’t waste’ rule.”
In other words: Sometimes our past investments of time, resources or energy make our future decisions almost predetermined, and we’re so bad at metacognition that we may not even realize it.
So how can we better solve problems we’re already invested in while our dumb brains, yet again, are working against us?
Two things: Consider that just giving up is as valid a solution to a given problem as anything else, and think about problems from a wholly different perspective.
“It definitely is kind of an issue of ego or self-esteem because we believe that we want to be a success, and in our eyes, quitting is a type of failure,” Dr. Kristin Neff, an associate professor at the University of Texas, told The Times last year in a story about strategic quitting.
And Seth Godin, author of “The Dip: A Little Book That Teaches You When to Quit (and When to Stick),” said to think about sunk cost as a gift from a totally different person: your other, previous self.
“Once you realize that whatever you’re quitting is a gift from your former self, you don’t have to accept,” he said.
And remember: Winners are just people who know when to quit — and do it often.
What have you strategically quit lately? Tell me on Twittter @timherrera.
Have a great week!
— Tim
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Tip of the Week
This week I’ve invited Danielle Campoamor, a senior editor at Romper and a columnist at Bustle, to tell us how to be motivated by watching our friends succeed.
It’s a common, arguably unavoidable situation: a friend is advancing in his or her career or personal life while you’re stuck in what feels like an endless loop of 9-to-5 roadblocks and relationship dead ends. While it’s easy — and normal! — to grow jealous, you can harness that green-eyed monster to propel you toward your elusive goal.
“If you and your friend are doing very similar things, then your friend’s success could be a motivating factor,” the psychologist Venus Mahmoodi said. The key is to realize you’re jealous, be happy for your friend, and then “sit down and think about the things you like about your life and the things you could change.”
A 2006 study published in the Academy of Management Journal found that the juxtaposing feelings of happiness and jealousy can help you better organize your life and fuel your creativity.
If your friend is on a different path but inciting envy nonetheless, those feelings of resentment can still work to your advantage.
“You need to ask yourself if being similar to your friend is the best route,” Dr. Mahmoodi said. “Or is it possible to find your own way and become successful in what you’re doing.” Your jealousy can help you get over any anxieties you have over making a necessary change, or help you better manage your expectations and set realistic, personalized goals.
So the next time a friend’s promotion or engagement sends you down a jealous rabbit hole of self-loathing, use those feelings as a blueprint for your next success.
via – The New York Times https://nyti.ms/2YdmX5t
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